That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
