theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need to align my fucking chakras
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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