thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Randomize
