I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You ruined the universe
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I party with great urgency now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
