If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize