Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
