covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
