I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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