I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize