somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
