fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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