I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
