Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
