Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
