She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
