Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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