Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
