I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
