Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
