You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
