I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
