nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
