I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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