I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
