I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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