Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
