I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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