why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
