I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
