The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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