He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
