Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
