i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
