my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
