Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
