ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
