i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
