if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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