They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize