And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize