I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
