Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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