I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
