i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
