I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sarcasm needs its own font
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
