you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
