that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
