I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
