1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
