Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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