Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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