I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
