Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
