lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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