im having a threesome with these popsicles
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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