hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
