No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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