I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need to align my fucking chakras
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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