ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
