The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
