Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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