sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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