I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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