im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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