in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
