just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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