my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize