dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
