i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
