come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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