wat bout pragnant strippers??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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