he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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