I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
