I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
