He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
